


I'm jealous of the rain (that falls upon your skin)

by amberwoods



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Kiss, Jealousy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 00:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16074920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberwoods/pseuds/amberwoods
Summary: Pike did not like jealousy. She certainly wasn’t interested in entertaining it. Jealousy had always had an ungrateful edge to it for; like she wasn’t appreciating what she had. After everything her grandfather Wilhand had done for her, there was no way she could accept that from herself.The thing was, she also didn’t like people flirting with Scanlan, apparently.





	I'm jealous of the rain (that falls upon your skin)

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'jealousy' by labrinth

Pike did not like jealousy. She certainly wasn’t interested in entertaining it. Jealousy had always had an ungrateful edge to it for; like she wasn’t appreciating what she had. After everything her grandfather Wilhand had done for her, there was no way she could accept that from herself.

The thing was, she also didn’t like people flirting with Scanlan, apparently.

They were at their favourite bar with the entire crew on a Friday night. After spending their week in various ways, they usually hung out there to let off some steam and just be around each other. Grog had just returned with their drinks and distributed them, and now they were teasing Vax, and laughing. But Pike nursed her drink in silence.

Scanlan had gone to the bar with Grog and stayed there, trying to charm Jarrett into pulling out the karaoke set early tonight, just like he did at least once a month. Jarrett put up a fight, still, but everyone knew he would cave eventually.

There were two girls at the bar, too, who Pike had seen around a couple of times over the last few months. They’d always looked nice. But now one had apparently mustered up the courage to join Jarrett’s conversation with Scanlan and make a move on him.

Usually, she would cheer her on. She had a lot of respect for girls who went after boys in bars like this. And this had happened a million times before; someone went after Scanlan, because he was so damn charming, and he welcomed them with open arms. It never bothered her.

But Scanlan had been changing, lately, so now Pike had as well.

She sipped her Guiness and, for the gazillionth time, tried to figure out what exactly had happened during the past five years.

She remembered meeting Scanlan like it was yesterday. She’d gone to a festival with Keyleth and the twins, somewhere outside in the sunlight. There were a lot of flowers crowns involved, and it was a great afternoon. A few hours in, Grog had arrived, and he’d brought Scanlan, who he had met in a bar somewhere. Scanlan had fell in with them like it was the most natural thing to do; he just dropped himself on the grass beside Pike and started making a flower crown the best he could.

He had grinned at her, and flirted excessively, and she remembered seeing stars.

He was funny, and kind, and he had zoned in on her so specifically that for two glorious hours she thought she had just come across something special.

But she had met Scanlan while he was at the top of his game before long, he was showering other girls in compliments and attention and she realised it didn’t really mean anything. He was just having fun all around, and went home with whoever was the most interested.

She soon found that the only way to be comfortable around Scanlan was to dismiss him. Never take him seriously. Never play his games. She just had to ignore his advances and focus on anything else he was telling her, because Scanlan tended to slip in facts about himself and his life that mattered while he was claiming to adore her.

It was hard not to believe him, sometimes, when he looked at her so sincerely or started shaking a little when she touched him. Part of her knew that he had gotten serious about her within the first few months of them knowing each other. But Scanlan wasn’t ready to be committed to anyone, and she wasn’t willing to wait. So, instead – and maybe this was unfair of her, but she was just human, and she had to do _something_ to protect herself – she refused to believe any of it.

Things changed when Scanlan found out he had a four-year-old daughter.

Kaylie’s mother hadn’t intended for him to find out about her at all, and she fought him tooth and nail. The battles left him bloody, and frustrated, and a _mess,_ and for a year he was the biggest asshole. He was completely focused on himself, on Sybill, on trying to find a way to his daughter whether he deserved it or not. When Pike stopped talking to him after he had hurt her Grog – who was a big softie at heart, and _Scanlan knew that, the fucking asshole_ – he had hardly batted an eye.

She refused to let it break her heart. She wouldn’t let it.

(Of course, it did.)

A year after he stopped talking to them all, he came back. He was different, then. More mature. More in touch with himself. He was part of Kaylie’s life, now, and he was happy with that. It had taken a bit for the group to forgive him, but he was so sincere in his apologies that they hadn’t been able not to. After all, they had always wanted him back. He was giving him the best excuse to forgive him: true change.

And that’s when everything changed for Pike.

Scanlan stopped sleeping around. He stopped flirting with her so much. (She didn’t miss it. _She didn’t._ ) He tried to be the best dad he could for Kaylie, who was by then almost six years old. And Pike just… She just…

She’d always liked him, even when he was, debatably, a piece of shit. How was she supposed to ignore _this_?

But she wasn’t even sure he still thought of her in a romantic way. Being a father had consumed him, in a way, and she definitely wasn’t willing to run the risk of rejection. Nope. No way.

It was silly, after all the times she’d rejected him, and he had still loved her. But she had told herself so often that he didn’t mean any of it that she’d almost convinced herself it was true, and now she was reaping what she sowed.

Pike glanced at Scanlan and the girl over the rim of her glass.

Now she was reaping what she sowed. _And she didn’t like it._

“You okay, pickle?”

Pike looked up at Vax beside her. He was smiling at her, and she thought he looked both a little worried and amused, somehow. He’d probably guessed what she was thinking.

“Fine,” she said, turning away from the view of the bar a little more. She couldn’t just keep staring at them. She shouldn’t care.

She realised that even after going over the last five years again, she _still_ didn’t fully know how she had ended up here. Somehow, going through these motions was always futile.

Vax tapped the bottom of her glass with his ring finger. “Just keep drinking.”

“Happily.” She took another sip. “This stuff is good.”

“Aye, Pikey!” Grog grinned from the other side of the table, “That’s the spirit.”

“Don’t get her drunk, Grog, I need someone to drag me out of here at the end of the night!”

Pike startled at the sound of Scanlan’s voice. He put his drink down on the table beside her and smiled at her.

“Scan-man!” Vax immediately scooted over, grinning at Pike, and she had no choice but to scoot over to and make room for Scanlan beside her unless she wanted people to notice she was being weird.

She sent Vax a private, sour glare, but then put a smile on her face and made room for Scanlan. He plopped down next to her with a grin, his thigh pressed up against hers, and she wasn’t sure she could deal with that at the moment, to be honest.

“What are you doing here?” Vex teased, “I thought you were busy?”

Scanlan shook his head. “He isn’t bailing tonight. No karaoke before eleven. Even after I told him he was the most beautiful man in the room! An _obvious_ lie. I am the most beautiful man in this room.”

“Not what I meant,” Vex pushed. She gestured to the girls at the bar. “Don’t tell me she just wanted directions?”

Pike took a sip of her drink.

“In fact, my dearest Vex, she wanted drink recommendations. Clearly she took one look at me and realised I was a connoisseur.”

“Not exactly _one_ look,” Pike said.

Grog, Keyleth, Percy and Vex looked at her a little strangely. She refused to see what looks Vax and Scanlan were sending her.

“I’m just saying I’ve seen them around here before,” she continued with a light blush, “On other evenings.”

“I guess my beauty is just intimidating to some people,” Scanlan said solemnly.

Grog turned his eyes to him now, sending him the same strange look. “Isn’t like you to see it that way, bud.”

“Sure it is!” Scanlan took a big gulp of his drink and then slammed it down on the table in front of him, “Now, what were we talking about?”

The others let it go after that and started talking about Vex’s new boss, and then bosses in general, and Pike threw in some comments about how mean one of the surgeons at the hospital could be and settled down a little. Slowly, Scanlan’s warmth beside her became comforting instead of distracting, and she started to lean into him just a little, happy with her drink and her friends’ laughter and the subtle smell of Scanlan’s elderflower shampoo.

They had another drink, and one more, and she was just getting sleepy when a shadow fell over their table and she looked up to see the girl from the bar smiling down at Scanlan beside her.

“Hi again!” she said, and across the table Grog and Vex sent each other meaningful looks.

Immediately, Pike wasn’t having such a good time anymore.

She went back to her empty glass, staring at it.

“Hello,” Scanlan answered, and she could hear his smile, but he wasn’t putting on his full charm. That was something, she supposed.

She was acting like an idiot. She had to stop.

“I had that IPA you recommended!” the girl said brightly. She sounded a little nervous. “It was pretty great, so I thought I might buy you one as thanks?”

“Oh, well…”

“Might as well,” Vex threw in, “You finished your drink, right Scanlan?”

Grog gave him a thumbs-up, probably feeling like a great wing-man.

“I did,” Scanlan said, and before he could continue, before Pike even _knew_ what she was doing she put a hand on his thigh.

Scanlan froze immediately, and the girl glanced down at Pike’s hand in surprise, then up to her face.

Pike sent her one of her brightest smiles, not removing her hand, and tried to look at little apologetic. Deception wasn’t her strong suit, but this didn’t _feel_ like a lie. It felt like raw honesty. The kind she was never able to put into words.

“Sorry,” Scanlan said beside her, his voice a little higher than usual, “I’m good here.”

The girl glanced at Pike’s hand again. “I see. Well, uh…” She recovered pretty quickly. “Have a good night!” With that, she turned around and swiftly walked back to the bar, where her friend immediately started to question her.

This is when Pike kindly asked herself _what the fuck she was doing_.

She started to pull her hand away, as if suddenly Scanlan’s body burned her skin, but before she could Scanlan grabbed her hand tightly with his own.

Pike looked up at him in surprise, but he was staring straight ahead, clenching onto her fingers like a vice.

“What just happened there?” Vex asked, and for a second Pike thought she’d seen everything. But when she looked at Vex, she seemed clueless enough, and mostly confused about why Scanlan was still sitting with them and not at the bar with that girl.

“Like I said,” Scanlan told her. He squeezed Pike’s hand. “I’m good here.”

A furious blush started running over her cheeks and Pike quickly hid it behind her empty glass and her bangs. She tried to move the hand Scanlan was holding, but he refused to budge even an inch. His skin was hot on hers and just a little clammy. He still refused to look at her.

“So what were you saying about that colleague of yours, Pike?” Vax suddenly asked.

Pike startled again and looked up at her friend, who had _definitely_ seen everything. Vax was grinning at her, and she was a little confused about what exactly he wanted from her in that moment.

“Yeah, uh… “ she said, “Sheila. She’s new. She’s… Well, she’s pretty great, actually.”

“Didn’t she get the same weird coffee order that you always get?”

“Yeah!”

Before long, Vax had pulled her back into a conversation and a sort-of normal atmosphere returned to the table. ‘Sort-of’ being the key word, since Pike was still touching Scanlan more intimately than probably ever, and even though the conversation had her little distracted, her skin was still burning up. But she did relax a bit, and that was probably what Vax had been angling for, now she thought about it.

Once Pike relaxed and accepted that _well, guess that’s where her hand was now,_ Scanlan seemed to relax as well. Slowly, very slowly, he started playing with her fingers. At first, she thought it was accidental, but when she didn’t move her hand away, he grew a little bolder, and there was really no denying that it was intentional when he was caressing the back of her hand very softly.

“Are you cold, Pike?” Keyleth suddenly asked, clearly surprised.

It _would_ be ridiculous: the bar was getting stuffy, and hotter, and there was definitely no reason to be feeling cold right now. But Pike had goosebumps on her arms anyway.

“A little,” she lied, her cheeks red with the heat of the place.

“Do you need a jacket?” Keyleth pressed. She already moved to get her own denim from behind her in the booth.

But Scanlan was slowly turning Pike’s hand around to trace the heartlines of her palm and she _really_ didn’t want to move her hand.

“I’m sure it’ll pass soon!” She beamed at Keyleth.

Keyleth smiled back. “Okay. Just let me know if it doesn’t, yeah?”

“If you’re cold, we should just huddle together more,” Vax decided, and with another one of his grins (which were adorable but also _infuriating_ ) he pressed against her, pushing her further into Scanlan. Scanlan took that chance to lace his fingers with hers and hold her hand for real now. Pike was starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

When was the last time she’d held hands with someone? Not that long ago, probably – she held her friends’ hands a lot. But not like this.

This was…

She glanced up at Scanlan, who was glancing at her too, and for a moment their eyes met and he sent her a smile that was in equal parts charming and embarrassed.

This was different.

They spent the rest of the evening trying to ensure that neither of them had to get up. When someone had to go for drinks, they were suddenly deep in conversation with other people - one time even with each other, which, since it was so obvious that they were doing it because they didn't want to move, made the conversation pretty awkward, but also rather hilarious. 

But Pike's bladder was slowly filling up, and at some point she really couldn't hold it anymore, so she went off to the toilet feeling disappointed and just a little bit relieved. Once the contact was broken, she felt like something hazy was removed from her brain. Immediately, she started overthinking, of course, but the small amount of alcohol she'd had helped in pushing that way for the time being. Pike was pretty great at repressing her emotions when she felt like it. 

She’d let go of his hand. That was definitely for the best. What happened just now was weird, and it would probably fuck up their friendship, and it was best to never speak of it again. She should pretend it never happened. That would be best. 

But when she sat back down, Scanlan smiled at her, and when he took her hand again she made no attempt to pull away whatsoever. She just let a warm contentedness wash over her and smiled at her friends. Strangely enough, she felt more in touch with the present than she had in a long while. She was enjoying the night more than usual, since normally part of her was always considering this or that, her job, or Wilhand, or Grog, or anything else. Right now, she was just there, in the moment, holding Scanlan's hand. It felt like home. 

Time went very quickly after that. She got out of having to do karaoke, as always, and this time she let Scanlan’s hand go without any care in the world when he stepped up to give his performances. She knew he’d be back.

She laughed and clapped along and had an arm-wrestling contest with Grog (she did lose, but _barely_ ) and then it was time to go.

They left together, like they always did. Their little family didn’t leave anyone behind. If someone wanted to go, they all went. From this bar, at least – sometimes some of them went off to the next place to continue the night. But this was bar belonged to all of them, so no one was ever there alone.

Pike let go of Scanlan’s hand when they started to leave, and it was weird not to hold it anymore. She wondered whether she’d hold it again sometime soon. Still, she wasn’t ready for any questions from the others, so she couldn’t let them see it.

They went outside and chatted for a bit more before all heading off in different directions. Keyleth went home with Vax– something Vex _clearly_ felt very weird about, so she decided to head to one more bar that night on her own to talk with the white-haired barman she’d befriended there recently. That was something _Vax_ felt very weird about, because he clearly saw something in his sister’s behaviour that she hadn’t realised yet herself.

Grog asked if Pike wanted to share a cab, but Pike found herself saying that she’d rather walk home. It wasn’t that far away, and she loved taking the walk, even at this time of night. She was pretty confident in her ability to defend herself.

“I’ll join you,” Scanlan said quickly.

Pike wanted to say she hadn’t been hoping he would say that, but _honestly_? She wanted to hold his hand some more.

Grog shrugged his shoulders and called a cab for himself, and the group separated, all heading off in different directions.

Scanlan and Pike walked together in silence for a while. Scanlan had his hands in his pockets.

Was that a sign? Was he regretting this? Or had he not been serious? Or just-

Nope, hold up, she wasn’t doing this. Not yet. She could overthink tonight in fifteen minutes, when she was home. Not yet.

Pike sighed as they turned the first corner and left the view of their friends.

“You okay, Pikey?” Scanlan asked immediately.

Pike looked up at him and tried for a smile. “Just tired.”

Scanlan sent her a soft smile back and pulled his hands from his pockets. Pike’s heart soared with hope immediately, and when he took her hand again she was reminded of the first day she met him, and the stars she felt then.

“You work too hard,” Scanlan said, and he squeezed her hand.

Pike was sure she was blushing furiously again, but she didn’t have a real reason to hide it this time. So she just kept looking at him, boldly, unashamed of her reaction, and that allowed her to watch Scanlan’s cheeks redden as well.

“Well, there’s a lot of work to do,” Pike said.

They were both slowing down, and quietly stopped walking.

“ _You_ don’t have to do everything,” Scanlan answered.

“Not everything. Just as much as I can.”

Scanlan shook his head, but he looked awed rather than disappointed. He smiled at her and moved closer. She could smell his shampoo again, and feel the heat of his body radiating from him.

“You are the best person I know,” he told her softly, and his gaze wandered down to her lips.

Pike could feel her breathing getting shallow, and she thought she would start shaking from the intensity of the moment. Instead, she just kept looking at him, and watched the way his eyes closed as he leaned in.

Scanlan pressed his lips to hers softly, in a gentle, tender kiss, but his free hand moved up to cradle her face immediately and there was nothing hesitant about his soft grip. He moved on her like he had thought about it a million times before, and considering everything that had happened between them over the course of five full years, that wasn’t unlikely. Pike could relate to that.

She melted.

She kissed him back with the same softness, and there was something so natural about it that she wasn’t sure anymore why she hadn’t done this before. She slipped her free hand into his hair, opening her mouth to breathe him in, and he let out the softest whimper that made blood roar in her ears. He pressed her into him, their entangled hands moving to her waist so he could pull her even closer. The feeling of being chest to chest with him like this was almost more than she could bear.

It took five minutes for them to pull apart even the slightest bit, foreheads pressed together, held up in a tight embrace, breathing shallowly.

“Please tell me you’re not drunk,” Scanlan mumbled. He had his eyes closed.

“You would have kissed me if I was drunk?” she asked.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I hope not. I don’t want to…” He fumbled for the right words. “I wouldn’t want to fuck that up. Not that badly. Not… I hope I wouldn’t do that.”

Pike couldn’t help but smile and she pulled her hand from his hair to caress his cheekbone. “I think you underestimate yourself. You wouldn’t do that.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Well,” he said softly, “You know me better than anyone else. So if you say so…”

Pike attempted to nod solemnly, but she couldn’t repress her smile. “Yes, trust in me. I know you, Scanlan Shorthalt.”

“Pike Trickfoot,” he whispered, and he kissed her again, as if he couldn’t stop himself.

Pike finally let go of his hand so she could wrap both of her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to press into him as much as possible, hugging him while she kissed him, feeling elated and tingly and _right_.

Scanlan, however, groaned, and for a moment he sounded like he was in pain. She pulled back to look at him and he sent her a look that was – yes, definitely pained.

“You know I adore you, right? You know?”

She couldn’t believe how insecure he was. She couldn’t believe he didn’t _feel it_ – how much she loved this, how happy she was. She thought she must be radiating happiness, but apparently he couldn’t see it.

Maybe he would hear.

“ _Scanlan_ ,” she said very softly, brushing her thumb over his cheek, “I think I could spend days just admiring you. I love who you are. I have no doubt in my heart about how I feel about you.”

His eyes were so brown, and so warm, and so full of hope and love. “How do you feel about me?” he whispered.

Pike smiled at him. “I love you. In all the ways there are. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt. I feel bad for trying not to feel it for so long.”

He let out a staggering breath and pressed his forehead against hers again. His grip on her tightened, as if he felt more secure in holding her now. A little bit of that exorbitant confidence of his seemed to return. She was happy to be held by it. She loved confident Scanlan as much as she loved vulnerable insecure Scanlan, she realised.

“Why did you?” he asked her.

Pike had to think about that. She knew, of course, but it wasn’t easy for her to put things into words. She wasn’t sure she could say it in a way that he would really understand. “I was scared,” she said finally, “That I would lose you. Or me. I like me.”

He smiled at her, clearly endeared. “I like you too. I wouldn’t want to change you.”

“I know. I think I was just afraid I’d change anyway. That I would… I don’t know, that we would be worse off together. That we would harm each other, somehow. I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense now. I’ve never been so sure that I was wrong. I shouldn’t have been afraid of you.”

“Or yourself,” he added.

“Or myself.”

“You’re pretty great.”

She laughed. “Why, thank you, Scanlan. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“I neve thought you’d love me,” he admitted.

Pike shook her head. “That’s what I mean. You underestimate yourself. Your worth. You’re really not as bad as you think you are.”

He looked away.

“You’re _not_ ,” she pressed, waiting for him to look at her again. He did, slowly. “You’re not,” she repeated softly. She smiled. “Although I’ll admit you’ve gotten a lot better since I met you.”

He nodded. “I like myself better now.”

“Well, I liked you all along. Before you liked yourself.”

He looked amazed at that. “I thought you sort of… I don’t know, liked me _despite_ of me being me.”

“You are one insecure bread crumb.”

He laughed and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “You’re the cutest. I love you.”

Her heart soared at those words, growing so warm she thought there might be a sun exploding in her ribcage.

“I can’t believe I found you,” she whispered.

Scanlan pulled her closer, holding her in an embrace, his chin on her shoulder and her arms warm and secure around her body. “Me neither,” he said.

A cold drop of water fell onto Pike’s head. Then another. Another.

They hardly broke away from each other to look up at the sky and watch as it slowly started to rain. They looked at each other again, smiling. A raindrop fell on Pike’s nose and Scanlan kissed it away. She started laughing. He did too.

Then, she pulled out of his embrace and took his hand again, smiling at him in the dark.

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

“Yes, please,” he told her. And they walked on into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
